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I loved you. You were everything to me. And then you changed.
Bipolar.
Psychotic.
Drug addict.
I don't care. I still want you more than anyone else.
Now what do I do? I put everything into you. My whole life I just wanted our love.
No one will ever understand. They'll just think I'm crazy. For the rest of my life I will have to carry these memories with me that I have to hide from the rest of the world.
Who am I anymore?
How do I move on?
I don't want to kill myself. But I don't want to be here anymore, either.
I wish someone would hurt me. Punch me, cut me, make me bleed. Let me have some wound that people can understand. "Oh that poor sucker, he lost his leg."
Now I just look like a whiny faggot. I am ruined.
And the worst part was that... it was never going to work out. I just got myself addicted to the most powerful drug in the world and then had it cut off cold turkey, while you had fun throwing your meds and using real hard drugs and changing everything about yourself. You were in psych ward after jail after psych ward and you loved it all.
I want to die. Why won't the world kill itself so I don't have to?
I'd be angry if I wasn't depressed.
I'd be depressed if I wasn't lost.
I'd be lost if I knew who I was anymore.
This is very scary. Nothing exists for me anymore. I could do anything, but there's no point to. I'm tired.
I would sleep forever... but it's of her I dream. I can't escape this hell.
I don't even know what I did. But I'm sorry. You lied to me and hurt me but I'm still sorry.
Holding you in my arms. Fucking you until you came. Feeling you grab onto me like a junkie needing her fix. It was how I felt too. And now it's gone. Our child... our dreams... it's like you died, but you still send me crazy messages once in a while to let me know you're still there, and what we once had is lost forever.
Everything I've experienced in my life should be illegal.