>>6374
I'm crippled by my failures. I don't do anything anymore. I am a failure. This world is a failure.
I can't wait for my life to end, no matter how it may end. Even if I have to wait another 50 years since I can't even successfully kill myself, someday I will know that my failures will end and nothing will follow.

It's really amazing that you can describe both our situations in a single post. I feel like shit, people I know are avoiding me because of the pathethic failure I am. I'm on my mid 20's and never had a steady job, got no friends, no gf, my family just blames me for everything and treats me like shit.

I struggle with depression since I was teen and everybody knew that but not one tried to help me, now I'm a failure because of a dozen unsolved problems that I'm carrying since I was a little boy. Tha's why I hate them, they fucked my life up when I was younger, always humiliated me, never tried to help me and now that I'm all fucked up they just keep judging me and yelling at me for what a disappointment I am.

I don't know why I'm alive, I just want to die a quick, peaceful and painless death.

Failure is natural, it happens. There is no avoiding it. Some people tend to fail more than others, I'm guessing you're in that group.
I'm not a wise man, nor am I the most well off, I'm completely below average. But I can tell you this, my life has been made much better by learning from my failures. The best people in my opinion have grit, and life experience.You don't get that by being coddled by your mother all your life. You need to fail, you need to learn from it and how to avoid it.

I'm trapped in a vicious cycle where whenever I try something new, I quickly lose interest and then the activity becomes an obligation. Furthermore, the guilt I feel as a result of failing to keep up the new habit creates overwhelming anxiety which causes me to avoid the activity even more. Gradually, the small box of activities that I can engage in free if guilt or anxiety dimishes almost like an agoraphobia but for activities and not locations. Increasingly, I find myself laying in bed, staring at my ceiling and doing nothing. I don't know if anxiety medication would do anything to alleviate the simple disinterest I feel for basically everything or even exacerbate the issue. I do for a fact know that I have schizoaffective and autism but suspect I have many more undiagnosed psychiatric disorders from years of social rejection.

I failed out of University. I needed one more class to graduate too.

My biggest failure was not having any friends in my youth. It might not sound like much, but there's so many other failures that stem from just this one. Having supportive people in your life, especially in your formative years, is fucking vital to succeeding.

If I only had friends growing up, then I'd probably have been chasing my fucking dreams during my late teens and early 20s, rather than lying trapped in a pit of failure. I had that creative spark back then. Wanted to make stuff, especially games, so I learned how to code and make music and do pixel art and all that. But I never shared my stuff with anyone because I had no friends to share it with. Not even online. So without anyone to get feedback and all that from, I stagnated. My skills went from "good for a teenager" to "mediocre for an adult". Plus, having no friends means you miss out on a shitload of essential experiences. You don't learn how to form connections in a world where networking is necessary for success. You don't make the kind of mistakes that you can learn from, at an age when it's still okay (if not encouraged) to make those mistakes.

I can't fully blame myself, though. Nearly everybody fucking hated me as a kid. Every adult, outside of teachers and biological relatives, abused me in some way. Whether it was just calling me retarded or outright beating the shit out of me, they did lasting damage. And either the damage wasn't obvious enough for someone to think "this kid needs help", or nobody gave a shit. Probably the latter. Plus my parents divorced when I was real young, and we all know how fucked kids with divorced parents are.

I feel robbed. To this day, in my late 20s, I still wish I could redo my childhood with better circumstances. I see all these people who got to chase their dreams going "hey man you can do it! i did it and so can you!!" and ignoring the fact that they had everything right going for them. Everything.

>>6437
You can think that if you want, but it sounds like bullshit to me. I have always had good, supportive friends. Even now, I have friends. They are kind, always helpful and hardworking, and don't have any serious vices.

Yet here I am. It doesn't matter. You can think about what could have gone differently for you. It won't change things.

>>6439
"Friends" is not the right word. Friends don't help you do jack shit. Friends are for hanging out, drinking beer and smoking weed, and patting you on the back saying "it's not your fault, they just don't understand your value" when you get fired. They won't criticize you when you're doing things wrong, won't tell you the truth, won't pick at your faults, and certainly won't help you get a leg-up in business at that job they DON'T have. Believe me, almost nobody wants to have a friend who will do those things, because they'll just get angry and you won't have any friends anymore.

I have friends who are perpetual failures in their line of work, and I know EXACTLY why they are failing, just from simple observation and comparing them and others who are successful. But I will never tell them, because they will say I am wrong and will cut me out of their life. Probably, they will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't do what they do. But that's what I mean, because friendship requires trust and affection, but NOT RESPECT. What they need is someone who they respect in their same industry who will tell them what I told them; then maybe they will take action.

What he really meant was a network. Business partners, co-workers, acquaintances in your industry of choice. There is a measure of mutual trust and respect between you, but you are not friends. The difference is they will not coddle you; they don't give a fuck about your feelings; they will not hesitate to tell you exactly why you're a fuck-up and the reason you got fired from your last job is because you fucked up in X, Y, and Z ways. Then they will tell you about how to get your foot in the door of a new business opportunity, with the unspoken agreement that when they need help, you will do the same.

Simply being told "you can do it!" doesn't help anything. People can do that to themselves; if they didn't self-motivate to some degree and tell themselves "I can do it!" they wouldn't even get out of bed.

Friends are like junk food; it feels good to eat, but it's not going to make your body any better. A network is like broccoli; tastes bad but it's what you need to be healthy.

>stop doing things for looks
>always hide yourself
>specially whenever you may triumph at whatever

Chasing desires = dukkha

Op here. It has been a while since the last time I visited this place. I am still a failure, nothing has changed.