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I used to be crushed by the same thoughts constantly, every day, for years.
A couple years ago something snapped though. Not sure what changed exactly, but I finally came to the conclusion that 'I am me.'
I don't really care how others see me anymore. At the end of the day, I am who I am, regardless of that judgement.
I'm still on HRT and everyone still sees me as female in my every day life, but, at this point, gender is just a formality. I really have just stopped caring so much.
I'm sorry you feel the way you do, and I hope it all passes someday, in one way or another. Good luck, anon.