I walked Tilly in the opposite direction to another exit, then doubled back up the road towards the way they had gone. I could see them waiting and as I came into view, set off down the road. I was pleased to see that they were going in the opposite direction to my house.

I followed about fifty or more metres behind them, for about five to ten minutes, until they arrived at another park. They paused just long enough to be sure I knew where they were going, before entering. It was a park that I knew, as I frequently walked Tilly there. It was larger than my local park and had quite a bit of woodland around most of the border, with a path that went through it, not far from the edge. I could see them perhaps sixty or so metres ahead, following the path towards the woodland.

They turned their heads briefly to be sure that I saw them disappear into the trees and I increased my pace. There weren't many people around, but I didn't want someone to get between myself and the girls. I knew where they were going as I'd walked Tilly along here many times. Once you entered the wood area, the path passes close to the boundary of the park behind a row of a row of houses. Some of them had gates in their rear fences, giving them direct access to the park – I guessed they lived in one of those houses. If so, as long as there was no one within thirty or so metres along that stretch, I wouldn't be seen entering.

Sure enough, a few moments later, I saw them waiting at the rear of one of the houses. As I approached, Emily unlocked the gate and beckoned me in. There was no one in sight so I hurried through and could see that, thanks to a number of strategically placed trees, we couldn't be seen by neighbours on either side.

I could see a six- or so-foot fence leading back from the edge of the house, with a gate onto the drive, that was bolted on this side and there was a single-story extension on the back, across the width of the house.

To the right was presumably a kitchen, whilst to the left was what could have been a sun room. They went to some French windows leading into the ‘sunroom’, rather than the rear door, which must be to the side of the house, through the gate. As we went in, I could see it was furnished with sofas, a couple of easy chairs and coffee table, with a soft rug in the centre.

There was a door leading towards the front of the house and Emily opened this, pausing to look back at me. “Make yourself comfortable, I won't be long. I'll go and change into something you'll like.” With that, she disappeared, leaving me with Chloe.

I sat down on the sofa and Chloe came and sat next to me, seated at an angle towards me as if appraising me. She sat there for a few moments, then. “It was three actually.”

She caught me by surprise. Up to this point she hadn’t said a word. Besides, I didn't know what she was taking about. “What do you mean, it was three?”

“It was three boyfriends. Although one wasn't a boyfriend really. He was older, maybe twenty five and she’s fifteen. They were all rubbish; they didn’t know how to do it properly. They were too rough and hurt her. The boys are all after Emily!”

That didn’t surprise me in the least, if I was her age again, I'd be after her! It sounded like she was a little jealous, so I tried to reassure her. “It'll only be because she's older. Your time will come and it certainly isn’t because you aren't pretty.” She was right, Emily’s looks had drawn my own attention away from Chloe too, so I was as guilty as their male peer group. But it was clear that she was very pretty too. She was just younger, so her figure hadn’t developed in the same way yet.

“I know, but I've got boobs too.” And with that, she took the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it, revealing a nicely developing pair. It was totally unexpected and took me completely by surprise, then to cap it all, she moved right next to me and took my hand, placing it on her breast.

“Whoa! I don't think we should do this!” I tried to pull my hand away, but she held it tight to herself and if I’m honest, I didn't pull away very strongly.

“I want you to. I like older guys. I think they might be better than Emily’s boyfriends. Show me how you like to touch a girl’s boobs.” I knew I shouldn't, but then I shouldn't even be here, so I showed her how an older guy, or at least this guy, touches a girl's breasts.

She had lovely big puffy nipples, so after brushing my fingertips across them, I very gently caressed one between my thumb and forefinger, before gently sucking it and flicking it with my tongue. I could feel it harden as a result of the attention and Chloe grasped either side of my head, holding it to her breast. Her sharp intakes of breath told the story of her enjoyment, so I continued my oral attention on both nipples alternately, whilst manually simulating the other. From her soft moans of pleasure, she was obviously enjoying it, but then we heard Emily coming down the stairs and Chloe released my head and slid away from me as she pulled down her t-shirt.

I could see how flushed she was and hoped Emily wouldn’t notice when she walked in. Chloe looked at me and whispered. “I didn't think for a moment it would feel like that; that was fantastic!”

At that moment Emily came through the door and I needn't have worried, because she was focused just on me, presumably wanting to see my reaction as she twirled and put on a on a pose. “Well!”

She might well say ‘Well’. My reaction was more ‘bloody hell!!!’. She'd said she was going to put something ‘I’d like’ on, but that was an absolute understatement! My jaw must have hit my knees and I just stared for a few moments before coming back to my senses. I must have looked a total dork and it needed a force of will to lift my jaw back up.

She'd had no makeup on previously and whereas I've always disliked the excessive or poorly applied makeup that you see all too often, she clearly knew how to use it to make the best of herself! It had lifted her from ‘pretty’ to ‘striking’. The sun was streaming through the window, catching copper highlights in her long dark auburn hair and although the new clothes she was wearing, in some ways weren't a lot different, in others they were in a whole different league!

She still wore a tank top, but this was very pale grey, thinner and much finer cotton weave. It was cropped just below her bust, displaying her narrow waist and navel. Unlike earlier, now she wasn't wearing a bra. When I said earlier that I was more of a bum man. Well, those unfettered breasts, even ensconced within that tank top, changed my mind! It fitted her form perfectly, and the shape of her breasts and her soft nipples were clearly outlined through the material. I was wrong earlier when I said she had lovely boobs; they were spectacular and in terms of size, for me, they were perfect.

My eyes continued to move down her form and she was still wearing leggings, but once again the material was finer and a very pale grey and white graphic pattern. which clung to her like a second skin. Little was left to the imagination. It displayed her bottom almost as if she was wearing nothing! I've heard that some girls don't like having a gap at the top of their thighs and more so a full mons veneris. Emily was blessed on both counts. She had, for me at least, the perfect body and this outfit displayed it to perfection!

After I'd lifted my jaw back up - “Wow!”

Whilst I was still perving over her, Emily looked pleased with my reaction, but quickly got down to business. “How are we going to do this?”

I pulled myself together and pulled out my phone. I'd have preferred to have my Canon DSLR with me, but needs must. “I guess we could start with a few if you standing up; just lots of different poses, then maybe bending over and on the sofa. You just do what you think will look good and if I want something else, I’ll let you know.”

“OK.” She said and with that, we got going. I didn’t need to intervene much, as she seemed to have a clear idea of what might attract a guy’s attention. She pushed that wonderful bottom out and similarly her beautiful boobs.

I could continue ad infinitum on all the positions I photographed her in. However, when she lay back on the sofa, I most wanted to see her thrust up her pubis – I love to see a plump and prominent mons. When she complied with my request, I paused and couldn’t help complimenting her. “You know, I love the shape of your pussy when you lie like that.”

At that point, Chloe changed the whole shape of the afternoon, when she intervened with. “My pussy looks just as good when I do that!”

We both stopped and looked towards Chloe, as she dropped her shorts to reveal the tight white knickers she was wearing underneath. She threw off the baggy t-shirt, which was hanging below her crotch and even before she pushed her pelvis forward, it was clear that she did indeed have a nice plump pubis. I could also, to my increasing arousal, clearly see a camel toe. This was the beginning of an escalation that promised an even more interesting afternoon than hitherto expected!

Emily, on the other hand didn't find it quite so interesting. It would seem she was a bit of an exhibitionist and this could draw attention away from her. I needed to bring her on board with the idea. Maybe a bit more money would do the trick. “How about I up it to forty quid if Chloe joins in. I mean, you're both really pretty girls, so it would be cool to have you both in the shots.”

“OK!” From both of them at the same time. As luck would have it, Chloe joining in upped the ante in more ways than one; I wasn’t just getting another model. This was a strange one, given that Chloe had hidden her assets previously under baggy clothes, which implied that she was a little shy about her body. She'd proved that wrong earlier, whilst Emily was getting changed and confirmed it now as she whipped her t-shirt off. Wearing just those white panties now, really showed off the fact that her adolescent body was developing nicely! Like her sister, she had a narrow waist and it was clear that her hips were flaring rather nicely. Her boobs too, were developing in a very interesting way.

After her initial... was it jealousy? Whatever it was, Emily was getting even more into the swing of things and I thought, as she too stripped her bottoms off, that we had a competition on our hands! She was now wearing just a thong and the crop top. With the leggings gone, I could now see the cleft of her pussy through the fine material of her thong and as for that bottom!

They both almost threw themselves into it, as they competed to provide me with the most provocative shot. Chloe started to play on her advantage, the fact that she was naked from the waist up. As I mentioned earlier, she had lovely nipples and it wasn't long before Emily stripped off her top and they were both wearing just their knickers. Her nipples were just as delectable as the outline in her crop top promised and I just had to get a couple of close ups.

In the light of this, Chloe decided to up the ante again. She grabbed both my hands and placed them on her breasts. “Suck them to make them bigger. They'll look better.”

Despite everything, her saying that in front of Emily, surprised me and I didn't know what to do, how would Emily react?

To my absolute shock Emily actually encouraged me! “Go on! I want to see! If you do it good, you can do it to me.” This last said almost breathily.

If I thought things had started getting interesting earlier, then I was a long way off the mark! “OK then. Lie back on the sofa Chloe and get comfortable.”

Chloe complied and I kneeled to the side of her, to brush her farther breast and nipple with one hand whilst I gently pinched the closer one before starting to suck it and play with it with my tongue, as I had done previously. Chloe had closed her eyes and with her head tilted back and breasts thrust up a little, was moaning quietly. I continued to give oral attention to both her nipples whilst I let my right hand move slowly down her body, gently caressing her belly. Should I slip my hand into her knickers? No, just in case I pushed things beyond a boundary.

There is little I like more than going down on a woman and whilst I wasn’t actually doing that to Chloe, I had slipped into a reverie, unaware of anything outside the pleasure i was giving to her. Consequently, I wasn’t consciously aware that Emily had come to kneel beside me, watching closely the attentions I was offering her sister, until she spoke up. “Is that good Chloe?”

It seemed that Chloe was also in a world of her own, but when Emily repeated the question, she came back to earth. “He's fantastic! So much better than when I touch myself!”

“You've had a good turn. Let me have a go.” And with that, Chloe got up and Emily lay down in her place. It was almost as if I wasn't there. Didn't have a say in the matter, not that I gave a toss about that; I was in heaven. Given the daze I was in, I must have dilly dallied too long, because Emily took my head between her hands and pulled it down to her breasts – I needed no further encouragement.

Loving this, hope it keeps going!

What I wouldn't give for 5 hours alone with Emily and Chloe. I'd definitely want to make sure I had Tilly along though. She'd probably notice a lot of shit I missed.

I might have shit my pants walking through that back way into the house, and I'd have definitely wondered idly how many eyes had seen me with the two girls, but Chloe would not have needed to ask me twice if she really wanted her budding tits sucked.

I'm genuinely enjoying this. I will say, I tend to find the stories that don't try and gussy up their language too much are the ones I have the easiest time staying involved with. When I'm writing, I try my best to make it look like I wasn't searching a thesaurus every few sentences or so, but there's something I believe about this guy. He feels quite personally derived, and I enjoy his reactions to what, for most, would be highly unusual situations and opportunities. I like how he understands how the girls have a lot less to lose, at least as far as he's concerned, but still doesn't put up all that much of a fuss before going along. I feel like he's a character I could have a beer or twelve with, and genuinely enjoy his company.

I do hope that Chloe isn't the youngest character we'll be seeing in future updates, but that's just my own personal kink, and shouldn't really weigh much against any direction you might have been working on previously. It would take a lot of fear or a lot of love to keep me from trying to get Chloe to act even a fraction as eager for my approval as she seems to be for Tilly's walker.

I will most certainly be checking back regularly for any updates you choose to provide. If it provides even the slightest incentive for you to continue, I can promise I'll write a longer and more detailed critique after the very next update I see, as soon as time and energy levels permit.

Well done, sir. Nice to see a new story I enjoy this much. I haven't read a story like this in years, and it's been even longer since I posted anything of this length here or elsewhere.

That said, this isn't enough to get me hard under my current circumstances.

>Am I alone in this, but I do have voyeuristic tendencies?

why do you ask questions to which you already know the answer?

Her breasts were, unsurprisingly, larger than Chloe's and fitted my hand nicely as I cupped one and started to suck the nipple of the other. I proceed to attend to Emily as I had her sister and very soon she too started to moan quietly. This time though, before I started to move my hand onto her belly, she took it and placed it just above her panty top. I paused in my attentions, not sure what she wanted, to caress her there or to move my hand further down.

She made my mind up for me. “Do it!” Breathily and urgently. I moved my hand over her pussy and gently caressed around her cleft, feeling dampness through the material. I don't know about you, but whilst the first touch of a girl's breast and nipples is exciting, touching her pussy just takes that feeling to a different level! It is the most intimate part of a girl's body and also the real indicator that you are turning her on.


She took my hand and with her other hand lifted the waistband before slipping my hand into her knickers. She was clearly ready to step things up. However, I decided to take things even further and took the waistband at both hips, pausing to give her a chance to object. She nodded and lifting her bottom from the sofa, once again breathily and urgently. “Go on!”

I pulled them down slowly, revealing one of the most beautiful pussies I'd ever seen. The moisture of her arousal gathered along her cleft and I wanted to taste that pussy right now. Don't rush things, I told myself; show Emily that ‘Old' guys are indeed better. I needed to do a proper job in what I hoped would turn out to be foreplay.

I'd put my phone down beside me as I knelt on the floor next to Emily, photos of her forgotten; she'd said ‘not undressed’ anyway. Not by Chloe though. She picked up my phone and asked me to unlock it. “I’ll take some for you whilst you have your hands full.” Said cheekily with a winning grin on her face.

I wasn’t sure, it was risky to have identifying pics of me with a naked underage girl. On the other hand, it would be great to have pics of her naked and it was my phone and I would have control over what happened to them. My dick won the argument.

I returned my attention to Emily, who hadn't moved in the few moments I’d had my attention on Chloe. I continued to slowly remove her panties and asked her to turn over. She did so without hesitation and I paused for just a moment to admire her body, particularly that lovely bottom that swelled delightfully from her narrow waist. Getting down to business, I started to lightly kiss the nape of her neck. I could feel her tense a moment and then relax into my attentions which varied between my lips and tongue and a light massage and caress, moving slowly down her back.

I avoided touching her bottom, skipping to her feet, sucking her toes for a moment before moving back up her calves and on to her thighs. I paused for a moment to admire that lovely gap at the top, before spreading her legs a little to allow me access. I could feel the anticipation in her as I moved up the inside of her thighs, but I had no intention of touching her pussy just yet. Her frustration was almost palpable as I stopped just short and asked her to turn over onto her back. I too was desperate to taste the honey pot, but I wanted her anticipation to build, along with her arousal; in the end she would thank me.

I couldn't help teasing her a bit though. “Do you want me to stop?”

An almost panicky response. “No... No, don't stop!”

I responded gently and reassuringly. “Don't worry, just turn over. It'll be worth it.”

She complied and turned onto her back. Once again I paused to admire this lovely young girl, before returning to my administrations, starting from the top of her breastbone. Once again, I gave attention to her breasts and nipples for a minute or two, before moving down her torso, stopping just short of her mons. Once again, I moved down to her feet, sticking her toes for a few moments before working my way back up to her knees. This time I spread her legs wider and I could see her pussy spread a little, her lips adhering due to her arousal and peeling apart as her legs spread. I continued my attentions along the inside if her thighs, looking up towards her honeypot. When I reached the top, I kept the tease going, avoiding her cleft and just kissing at the very top of her thighs, on either side and above on her mons.

I had been caressing and teasing her for about ten or fifteen minutes and Emily was clearly very aroused. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and there was a flush across her torso and breasts, but most of all her pussy was sopping wet. I couldn't keep her waiting any longer and knelt on the sofa between her legs. I could sense she was holding her breath, but I paused just a moment to admire her aroused pussy. Previously, her inner labia had been neat and barely visible; more interesting than just a plain slit. Now they were easily visible, swollen with desire and protruding more between her outer lips, but still symmetrical and very pretty.

It was apparent that she was desperate for me to continue so I licked from the base of her cleft to just below her clit, savouring her taste. Her clit had been hidden inside its hood, but now in her heightened arousal, it was clearly visible. I pulled her lips apart to reveal it further then slipped my middle finger into her pussy, feeling for her G-spot, before flicking her swollen clit with my tongue. I was in heaven!

No sooner had I touched her clit, than she came. I could feel her pussy clamping rhythmically around my finger. Before her contractions had subsided completely, I continued my attentions, stimulating her g-spot and clit. It was a minute, maybe two when she orgasmed again. Not just a little bit, but a lot. Her back arched and her whole body tensed, whilst I thought her vaginal contractions may break my finger. Then a few seconds later she came a third time, even squirting a little. At this point I felt her push me away. It took a few moments before the contractions, that had gripped her whole body, subsided. She was still incredibly flushed, but that diminished gradually over a minute or two. Her heavy breathing, as if she’d just run a marathon became gradually shallower.

Once she'd recovered enough to speak it was her turn to say. “Wow! I've never felt anything close to that before. I guess older guys do know better.”

“My turn!” It a seemed that Chloe had become impatient and the day even more interesting. She wanted part of the action too and with no further ado, dropped her knickers to the floor.

Just for a moment my consciousness was transported back to the moment I was leaving home with Tilly. Who could have predicted that an afternoon walk with the dog could have ended with this almost surreal scenario? I was returned to the moment, as Emily got up from the sofa and Chloe took her place. Unlike her sister, Chloe didn't shave her pubic area. The covering of hair was relatively sparse though and I could clearly see her cleft through the hairs. Chloe quickly turned over onto her front and I admired her slightly less curvaceous form. I use the term
curvaceous advisedly, despite it often being used euphemistically for ‘a bit overweight’. Emily, as you will have already gathered, is far from plump, but neither is she thin. She is woman shaped, with that narrow waist and nicely flaring hips, probably either fully developed or close to it, at fifteen.

But back to Chloe, as she was the one on the sofa in front of me, displaying her, now that I could see it properly, equally beautiful bottom for my benefit. I placed a hand on each shoulder and kissed the nape of her neck. I pretty much did a reprise of Emily's erotic ‘massage' but changed things enough to keep her on tenterhooks. I tantalised her by giving attentions to the very tops of the insides of her thighs, partly selfishly as the view of her wet slit was in itself tantalising. I couldn't see any inner labia but nevertheless her juices had collected along her slit. Neither could I see her clit, but that would come soon.

No sooner had I paused for a moment to enjoy the view than she turned over. “Now my front!” As she pointed to her nipples. Now it would be rude to ignore a request like that, wouldn't it, so I set to. Whilst she was still developing and they were smaller than Emily's (probably A to Emily's B-) they were still large enough to hold onto. What Chloe lost in size, it was made up for by her nipples, which were delightful. I spent more time with them than I had with her sister, enjoying it almost as much as she seemed to be. In the end I felt her nudging my head lower; she wanted more!

It would have been churlish to refuse, so I headed south. ... not too quickly though. Whilst I kissed her belly I teased her as mercilessly as possible, brushing the inside of her upper thighs, but not touching her pussy. I kept this up, wondering how long I needed to keep it up until she could take no more teasing.

Not long! “Do what you did to Emily.”

She was ready, so as she spread her legs to accommodate me and once again I knelt on the sofa, looking down at a lovely sight. Her inner lips weren't visible at all, despite the fact that she was clearly aroused. There was a sexual flush across her chest and breasts and similarly around her pussy, whilst her outer labia were clearly swollen and puffy. I leaned in to spread her outer lips, revealing her inner labia, the opening to her vagina and her clitoris peeking from its hood, before licking along her cleft. As I reached the top, she started as I touched her clit, but didn't orgasm immediately as Emily had. This time though, I didn't insert my finger, as I guessed she was still a virgin. Nevertheless, she was making all the right noises as I continued to simulate her.

Neither of these girls were backward in coming forward though. After a minute or two, breathily. “Put your finger in.”

“It might hurt though. ...Your hymen.”

That clearly wasn't an issue. “It’s OK, I put mine in all the time.”

I didn't need to be asked again and slid my middle finger in, feeling for her G-spot. As I found the slightly spongy area of the G-spot I went to work on it and her clitoris.

The moment I pressed that sensitive area, she squirmed. “Ooh!” I quickly took my finger out.

“Sorry, are you OK?”

But she wasn't having that. “No, put it back in! I never felt anything like that before! It was just a bit strange. But nice at the same time! I want more!”

So I returned to my ministrations and it was clear that she was enjoying it. It took a few minutes, but I could sense she was getting closer to cumming. When she finally had her release, once again I could feel my finger being squeezed as her vaginal muscles contracted rhythmically and her body arched, thrusting her pubis up. Her whole body spasmed and I continued to simulate her. After what seemed an age, but was probably only half a minute, she pushed my head away.

“Oh, God! Too sensitive now!” She flopped back to the sofa with her eyes closed, completely exhausted by the experience, as I sat back on my haunches taking in the sight.

After one or two minutes, she opened her eyes and smiled. “God! I never imagined cumming could ever feel like that! You were right Emily, when you said you thought older guys would be better than your boyfriends.” She turned her attention back to me. “How can you know how to make me feel good better than I can myself?”

I pondered just a moment on the question, before answering. “Well, I guess part of it’s psychological. You're anticipating, but don't actually know what's going to happen and it's more erotic to share sex with someone. All together it intensifies the feeling.” I couldn't help it, but I had to blow my own trumpet, because I'd had a lot of complements on my oral skills. “But on top of that, I'm pretty good at this!” They both laughed at that; a lovely laugh that infected me too, bringing a light and pleasant mood to us all.

That should, of course, have been Ch6. Apologies.

Thanks for the comments. The fact that I'm getting any comments and feedback is certainly an incentive to continue.

You're writing what you want, and I can dig that. Gotta have some kind of personal connection or involvement with the work, otherwise, why be here at all, right? And your thing isn't gonna be everybody's thing, that's just how people work. People get all butthurt about it, but it's like, if it's not doing anything for you, read another story, right?

There's nothing wrong with what's happening here. I believe the characters, he's alone with them, and he's doing things his way. He's a bit timid with the girls, but that's completely understandable, given how much he's risking. I can totally see the girls being this into it, because their thrill is coming from knowing that this older guy is "being bad" and risking a lot, just because he can't resist their little bodies. The psychology works. The writing is fine. You've said this is a beginning work, but you've obviously read a lot of stories like this, and you're playing around with ideas, and I like that, I really do.

That said, at this point, if I was just reading, I'd be looking for another story.

A lot of fiction is self-indulgent fantasy. Fanfiction forums are filled with it. If all you're looking for is to get your fantasy down in written form, this would be perfectly fine.

But I think you're like me. You want to write stories that make people sit up and take notice. You're a comment addict, like I am.

Generally, you'd have come to the wrong place for this. Most people aren't going to invest their own time and energy to do more than just scroll on once their fap is done, or if they're wanting different material. Plenty of people write in plenty of places, and also, they've been burned before by writers who promise big and fail to deliver.

I am one of those writers. I've gotten people involved to the point where I had dozens of people commenting, begging for my next update, then I left them all with blue-balls, because I caved from the pressure.

I'm a not-insignificant part of the reason why people like you get so few comments, so I feel a bit of an obligation with you. I can see you care the way I cared. I can see that getting a comment sets those creative juices flowing, and gives you that hits the feel-good-chemical button in your brain the same way it does mine.

Looking at this story is like looking at myself all those years ago.

So I'll tell you a bedrock, time-tested, proven principal of writing for an audience.

Conflict drives interest. The most interesting and exciting form of that conflict comes when two human beings have diametrically opposed goals, and each are working to overcome the other.

You want an audience? Find the most compelling conflict in this story and heighten it. Before beginning a chapter, start with a single-sentence question.

[Character A] wants to [accomplish a goal], but will they succeed when [Character B, and potentially others, as well as difficult circumstances] try to stop them.

For your first chapter, that might look like "Our protagonist likes to look at little girls, but will he keep getting away with it when he's noticed by a pair of teenage girls?

The answer to that question in your version is Yes, which worked well, because generally we don't expect situations like that to work out well for us, and this is a fantasy story. Everyone reading this wanted that story question to turn out well, at least at first. This is /elit/ after all.

But another bedrock, time-proven principal of writing is that the more often that story question is answered with "yes" the less tension you're going to create in your readers. Sometimes that's more acceptable than others, but even John Wick has to get hurt a lot, and have insane action set-pieces to make up for using the "yes" answer so often.

If you really want to get people worked up inside, which in many people, means they get intensely anxious for the next installment, you're gonna want to answer that question "no," or "No, and...!"

No, or no-and means the situation does not pan out the way the protagonist hoped and planned, and now he's gonna have to either accept that, or get exceptionally clever and figure out how to achieve his goal. This is why it's best to choose the two characters with the strongest driving motivations as your protagonist and your antagonist.

Another update, and I'll show you one of my stories on here from years ago, and we can pick apart everything I did wrong. (Spoiler alert, it's a lot.)

I agree that this story is self-indulgent and also that I would like to produce something that makes people “sit up and take notice”. Whilst I hadn’t considered myself a comment addict, there is a certain satisfaction in knowing people out there are enjoying the story. I wanted some sort of feedback from people, so that I felt it was worth the time and effort required to create a work of fiction (however small a story).
As I intimated at the outset, before writing this, I am part way into writing a much more ambitious tale; one of the reasons I diverted to this was because I’d come to a bit of a standstill with it. The kind of feedback you have provided will help a great deal with ‘The Blacksmith’s Daughter’. Whilst it isn’t as self-indulgent as ‘A Walk with Tilly’, constructive feedback in this will help, so thanks.

I had remained dressed during all this, in t-shirt and shorts; I'd just pushed off my shoes before kneeling on the sofa. But needless to say, I had developed a storming hard-on. I'd adjusted it surreptitiously to try and hide it, but at that point Emily, who had been kneeling next to the sofa watching closely, noticed.

She reached forward and took it, surprisingly gently, in her fist. “Looks like you're ready for some attention yourself.”

Not being slow on the uptake, Chloe immediately sat up to open the front of my shorts and pull the zip down. “Sit up!” she said impatiently. Once again, I didn't need to be asked again and I knelt up to allow her to pull my shorts down as far as they would go, to my knees. The Old Man was even more prominent in the close fitting stretch cotton boxers I was wearing, but she didn't pause for a moment before pulling them down too. I helped out by pulling my t-shirt off, leaving me kneeling there naked under the scrutiny of two delectable equally naked hebes.

As you know, I'm old enough to be their father, nearly years their senior. Whilst as a youngster I had prided myself on the leanness and shape of my body, time has detrimental effects and what had once been a flat and firm stomach, was no longer. Nevertheless, I didn't think I compared badly with many men my age. The old man I felt, fell within the range of average, being something over six inches. Girth on the other hand was, I believe above average. All this went through my mind in a flash (no pun intended). I've had no concerns with women my age, but I worried over whether two teenage girls would find me repulsive.

It would seem that I needn't have worried though, because neither of them seemed to be at all bothered and anyway, they were both too fixed on my erection. And comparisons, it would seem, with Emily’s previous ‘boyfriends’. Once again, it was almost like I wasn't there.

“So how does it compare with your boyfriends.” I'd never been obsessed with the size of my dick, but no one wants to come up short, so to speak, in such comparisons. So I was interested and understandably I hoped the comparison was favourable when Chloe asked that question.

“He's bigger than Tom and Ethan.” Emily replied.

“But what about the other one?” Chloe insisted.

Emily’s reply was a bit terse. “He wasn't a boyfriend! ... Very nearly as long, but thicker. And nicer.”

I didn't know what nicer meant, but I was happy with that. And I was even happier when she leaned forward to take the old man into her grasp. She was a little rough initially, so I guided her until her touch was gentle and frankly pretty impressive. There's many a so called experienced woman she put to shame. Chloe didn't want to be left out though.

“My turn.” As she sat up to take my erection in her grip. I don't know whether she had been paying close attention to the coaching I'd given to Emily, or whether she was just a natural, but she got it straight away. Her grip was light enough that it wasn't uncomfortable for the sensitive rim of my bell end, but just firm enough to provide delightful stimulation. Whilst the rhythm and length of her strokes was just perfect, as was the cute expression of concentration she had on her face as she attended to my needs.

Normally, it'll take me a few minutes to get to the point of no return, but by this point I was pretty much on the edge anyway. It was perhaps only a sixty or seventy seconds before I could feel that tingling at the base of my shaft. I just had time to warn Chloe I was about to cum and register the excited look that came on her face. The next moment, there was that usual little spurt before a blast that hit her in the face, covering her mouth and chin. Her expression changed to surprise, followed by delight again as the next few spurts landed on her chest and breasts and stomach, before the final one leaked onto the hand that was still gripping my shaft. She didn't seem at all concerned that she had my semen all over her mouth and chin. She released my dick and looked curiously at the sperm on her front and hand, rubbing it between her fingers. To my absolute surprise, she even licked and swallowed the white goo from her lips and chin.

She almost squealed. “Oooh, I love it! It's much better when you do it yourself and see it in front of you!”

Difficult though it may be to believe, given this delightful nymph had been naked next to me, but whilst this had been going on I had been totally unaware of Emily. That changed the moment she spoke, as I realised she had moved in close and had apparently been watching Chloe’s and my performance in fascination. “What does it taste like? I heard it's horrible.”

It was Chloe’s turn to pause a moment as she took another dollop from her chest and sucked it off her finger as she appraised the flavour. “I don't know really, I've never tasted anything like it before. I always wanted to know, you know, when you see girls swallow it in porn. But it’s a bit salty and a bit gooey - I like it!”

Both these girls didn't seem to stop surprising me, because the next thing I knew, Emily too had taken a glob with her finger off Chloe’s chest. She too sucked it off her finger and appraised it just like her younger sister. “Yes, I like it too!”

Chloe turned her attention back to me. “I really loved doing that; especially you spurting! I want to do it again!

Ehh, I can be a pretentious douche a lot of the time (not something I take pride in). Take what resonates, ignore the rest, and write the story you want. Also, it's a chan. perfectly acceptable to tell a twat to fuck off.

I like the story a lot, no irony. Definitely looking forward to The Blacksmith's Daughter.

No offence taken by any comments, positive or negative, although something constructive is welcomed.

I'll give thought to 'The Blacksmith's Daughter'; how to move it forward. Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread, in however a small way!

All this was so unexpected and so erotic to me that, despite cumming just a minute or two before, the old man had started to take an interest again.

Something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Emily. “No, you should let him fuck you! He’ll do it properly for your first time!”

I must admit, her confidence in my sexual abilities bolstered my pride somewhat as well as bolstering my new hard-on. It now stood back to attention as firmly as it had ever before. I had a lovely naked nymphet in front of me, but believe it or not, even since the ante had been upped, it hadn’t crossed my mind that I might actually fuck her – either of them!

Hearing that though, I must have had a sudden rush of blood to the head, because whilst my dick and I were thinking ‘lie back and spread them!’ I heard myself say. “I'm not sure that's a good idea... I mean, you're a virgin! What if you get pregnant... and how old are you?”

“Why isn't it a good idea? I’m on the pill to stabilise periods. Don't you want to do it? I’m fourteen and I have friends who were only thirteen! I trust you to make my first time really good; don't you want that for me?”

This all came out in a staccato rush and for a moment, I was flabbergasted. Out of those reasons, only the age thing screamed no. The remaining three, I couldn’t deny. If my maths it's right, that's four to one in favour! My dick won the argument. “Yes! ...I mean ...It’s not a good idea for me to have sex with a fourteen year old ...but yes.”

This was not your normal seduction, particularly as Emily was there too. Maybe she should participate; I had never had a threesome and the thought of fucking them both made my already rampant hard-on even harder. The only question was whether I had the stamina, but at that moment, despite having cum just a few minutes ago, I felt like I could conquer the world. “Get a tissue Emily, so we can clean up Chloe, then we can all get onto the rug. There'll be more room.”

Emily was back in a moment and I dabbed Chloe’s chest and breasts. As I sat down in the centre of the rug, they both joined me. “Are you OK for me to kiss you Chloe?”

She nodded and as I leaned in, put her arms around my neck, as she looked up at me in a Lolita like pose, with slightly open lips. The significance wasn't lost on me, but I was too far down the path to stop and gently pressed my lips to hers. Her response was instant and her tongue found its way past my lips in a slightly clumsy, but delightful kiss. As the kiss developed, I put my arms around her with one hand drifting down to her bottom. It was only a moment later that I felt her take gentle hold of my straining shaft, a sign she wanted me to move on to the next level.

I supported her back as I lowered her gently back to the floor, realising as I did, that Emily was now kneeling on her opposite side. I didn't want her to feel left out and Chloe seemed happy when I leaned across her to kiss Emily whilst gently tweaking her nipple. Emily on her part returned my kiss enthusiastically; this was turning into a most satisfactory afternoon. After a minute, Emily pulled back and looked down at Chloe, then questioningly back at me. She wanted me to continue my ‘seduction’ of Chloe. I was happy to comply and turned back to her. She was looking up at me expectantly, spreading her legs. “When are you going to stick it in?”


I almost chuckled, but managed to keep my face straight. “That's probably one of the reasons Emily has had bad experiences. Those lads probably rushed things, apart from being too rough. Be patient and trust me; I'll make sure it's a good experience for you.” And with that I kissed her again and gently tweaked those marvellous nipples. As the kiss developed I slid my hand down to test the waters of her arousal. I wanted to be sure her pussy was sopping wet before I tried to enter her and bring her arousal back up towards a level where she was more likely to orgasm as I made love to her; given what she knew about her sister’s previous traumas, it mattered that for her first time she had the best experience possible.

Her cleft was still wet from previously, but a minute or two gently stimulating her clit made her even more slippery. I could sense her moving towards another climax, so I positioned myself between her legs. “You know that this may hurt a little, even if I'm very careful.”

She nodded. “I want to feel it inside me. Stick it in. Now please!” This last almost desperately.

So I placed my cock at the base of her cleft, rubbing it up and down to be sure my bell end was as lubricated as possible, before searching for her entrance. I could feel the spot and pushed forward very gently, feeling her accommodate the tip of my shaft. She was looking down, a slight look of apprehension on her face, as I pushed a little more, feeling resistance from her tight pussy. “Are you OK?”

“None of them asked me that.” Said Emily.

Chloe nodded. Yes, I want it!”

I pushed a little harder against the resistance and she grimaced slightly, but when I paused, she grabbed my hips almost desperately and pulled me towards her. I put a bit more pressure and felt the resistance disappear as her hymen gave way. Though I desperately wanted to thrust right to the hilt, her passage was still tight and I didn't want her to have the same experience her sister had, so I gave very gentle short thrusts as I eased my shaft gradually deeper. After the first intake of breath as I tore her hymen, it was apparent she was enjoying the feeling of me edging slowly deeper, until I could go no further. It was just as well that I had only cum a few minutes before, otherwise I think I would have shot my load there and then!

As I reversed my thrust, I could feel her anticipation and this time as I started to push again, it was much easier. I could feel her pussy grasp my shaft all the way and I continued to fuck her slowly and sensually. Each time I thrust in she gasped quietly and she hugged me to her as we continued our slow love making. I was in heaven and though it wasn't the best angle, I tried to simulate her g-spot as I pushed in.

It wasn't too long before her gasps became more urgent and staccato and I knew she was moving closer to orgasm. I speeded my rhythm slightly and before long her body went into a spasm as her vagina contracted rhythmically around my cock. I continued to thrust, now seeking my own release, as her body finally relaxed before going almost immediately into another spasm of orgasm, then another as I finally felt my seed rising in the sweet release of one of the strongest orgasms I can remember, pumping into her again and again. Finally we both collapsed to the floor and lay there together, grasping each other tightly as we recovered. At last I pulled out, rolling to the side and looked into her eyes.

She was the first to speak. “That was fucking incredible! I thought it was good before, but I never thought it would feel like that. ...Thank you.” She said that genuinely, smiling as she looked into my eyes.

I became aware that Emily was still kneeling to the side of us, almost entranced at what she had been witnessing and clearly waiting until Chloe was ready. “Wow! That was fantastic! I wish my first time had been like that!” Then, as she turned to me. “Now it’s my turn!”

Bloody hell! Could I even manage to get it up again so soon after shooting my load twice in less than half an hour. These two girls, cute and sexy as hell that they were, would have to do a master job on the old man if they were to rouse him sufficiently to satisfy Emily. I was willing to let them give it a go, though. “There's nothing I want more Emily, but first of all you'll have to revive me. I've cum twice in short order and I don't know if I can get it back up any time soon. Perhaps we could just relax together for a while and you girls can see what you can do.”

They seemed ok with that, so I sat back on the sofa to see what they had to offer. They both stood up and looking at them side by side it was clear that they were sisters. It was also clear that it wouldn't be long before the boys paid as much attention to Chloe a they did her sister; they were both enchanting. It was only recent rigors that stopped the old man from standing to immediate attention. Despite feeling somewhat drained, I knew that it wouldn't take an enormous amount of effort on their part to prepare me for episode three.

Emily was first to make a suggestion and once again it was almost like I wasn't there. “Maybe we could do a lesbian thing. You know, they reckon men are turned on when they see lesbians playing with each other.”

“Eeeeeww! I don't want to lick your crack!” It was clear that Chloe wasn't on board with that suggestion.

“Maybe you could do a porn show whilst I suck his thing.” I have to say, the suggestion alone would normally have made the old man leap to attention. However, he'd been through a lot and besides, I was looking forward to this show and the supporting act – I wasn’t disappointed.

Chloe lay on the rug, slightly to one side so my view wasn't blocked by Emily, who knelt in front of me between my knees. Chloe lay back quite close to me to afford me a good view, facing towards me. She pulled her knees up, spreading them wide until her still aroused pussy started to flower open. It was an enticing sight.

In the meantime Emily took my limp cock and started playing with it gently, as I'd taught her. I could feel a warmth in my loins that promised the desired response If the girls kept the show going.

Chloe was making things even more enticing by spreading herself further with her fingers. I could now see her clit and she had me entranced.

As she was doing this Emily had taken my cock into her mouth, rolling back the foreskin and, still gently, sucking the head and flicking my frenulum with the tip of her tongue. I was in heaven and knew that despite its earlier rigors, the old man wouldn't stand up long to the visual and oral stimulation. This was a day that just didn't stop giving!

Seeing that Emily had now started fellatio, it was apparent that Chloe didn't want to be side-lined and upped the ante. A deliberate expression had come onto her face and inserting two fingers into her pussy, she started to masturbate herself. I'd never had a woman do that for me, never mind a fourteen year old girl! I could feel the first faint stirrings that meant he would soon come to attention once more. It wasn't instantaneous, but I didn’t want that because I knew the show would end and I wanted to see it through to Chloe’s climax.

That came soon enough as she changed the focus of her attention to her clit. Whilst it seemed to pale in comparison with her previous two orgasms she was clearly still satisfied and to see her partake in this intimate act was incredibly erotic. Added to the fact that a beautiful fifteen year old was sucking my dick at the same time and I would defy any man, in any state of exhaustion, not to be aroused.

Sure enough, blood started to flow and my shaft started slowly to fatten under Emily's continuing ministrations. It would seem that this excited her and it wasn't long before the old man was fully recovered and ready for another session. Total recovery time from blowing my load to ready for action again, around twenty minutes or so.

“My turn!” Chirped Emily, as she moved over to lie on the rug. As I followed her, an analytical part of my brain was thinking that this will be the first time in my life that I've had sex with two different females in the same day, week even, never mind in the same hour! What will the comparison be like? On the other hand my dick didn't care, he was just saying ‘yay!’

She was on her back, propped up a little on both elbows and I lay down next to her, leaning on my elbow to kiss her. She met me with slightly open lips and mine melted into hers. Her kiss was remarkably practised for a girl her age and it turned into a long and very satisfying prelude. As we kissed I felt her take hold of what I thought was my fully erect penis, but it went on to develop that sensation you get that makes it feel it is straining at the leash.

I took that as the cue to move to the next level and started to play with her breasts and nipples before moving down to her pussy. It was still a bit wet, but it was also apparent the level of her arousal had dropped. Given her previous experiences I needed to be even surer that she was ready, mentally and physically. She wasn't a virgin like Chloe, so if I was sensitive to her needs and made sure she was fully aroused I hoped I could make this experience one she would remember for the best reasons. After a few minutes I moved down between her legs; I knew the best way to endure she was ready for penetration was to use my tongue again. It was clear she was up for this, because she spread her legs readily and I had the pleasure of licking her cleft for the second time.

I wanted to be sure she really enjoyed this and I reckoned that if I teased her mercilessly, to the point where she was desperate for me to penetrate her, then she was more likely to enjoy the occasion. Time would tell, so I continued to simulate her, trying to raise her arousal slowly but not enough to make her cum. I could feel her writhe beneath my attentions and when I slipped a finger into her she was sopping wet; after a few minutes of this she started to whimper and it seemed as if she was desperate for me to enter her. She still didn't say anything though. I almost gave in, but stopped myself; this had to be at Emily's insistence.

I had to admire her, was it stubbornness, or what? But eventually it came, softly. “I want it.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you. I want your dick. Put it inside me. Now! Please!” This last with some urgency.

I moved up to give her what she wanted and as I did she opened her legs wider, reaching down to take the tip of my shaft. She rubbed it up and down her lips before placing it at her entrance. I applied just a little pressure, slipping in about three quarters of an inch. I could feel most of my bell end surrounded by moist warmth and paused at the first sign of resistance; I could feel her tensing. “It's OK, you can relax, I'm not going any further until you're ready.”

I realised she'd been holding her breath, but released it when I spoke.

“Just let me know when you're ready and I'll only push really slowly. You're in control.”

I could feel her gradually relax and I knew I could continue if she was ready. “Just let me know when you're ready.”

She waited for perhaps ten seconds and then nodded for me to continue. I push in a little more and felt her tense again. “It's ok, when you're ready.” I could feel her relax again as she nodded and I gently pushed again. Suddenly, the whole of my helmet was inside, gripped by the walls of her passage and I paused again.

“I like that.” She said quietly. “Leave it like that for a moment.”

I was above her taking my weight on my elbows and she had her hands straight down by her sides. But now she wrapped her arms around me pressing her breasts against my chest, kissing me almost desperately. “Thank you. This is nothing like the other times. You're so kind and gentle. I want you to fuck me now.”

I didn't need to be asked twice, but I kept it gentle and started, slowly, to slide further in. Her passage gripped me the whole way and as I reached her cervix I paused. “That's good ... you're filling me.” And I felt her flex her loins to pull away slightly, I could feel the walls of her pussy continue to grip me tightly, before reversing the movement. I thrust gently to meet her and we continued to fuck each other slowly but sensually and so satisfyingly.

Having cum twice I thought I could keep going like this for some time. I wasn’t sure I could even cum again this soon, but I'd give it my best shot. It must have been six or seven minutes, before I sensed she was starting to ride up to her peak, but I didn't speed up, just kept the slow and sensual rhythm going. It was a few more minutes before she finally reached that peak, but it didn't seem like the thunderous climax she'd experience during cunnilingus previously. She did hug me tightly, her whole body tensed though and I could feel the firm contractions around my cock, which seemed to go on for an age. When they finally ceased she released a breath and smiled at me. “That was incredible. Don't stop, I want more.”

So I gave her more; let's face it, it's not as if it was a hardship. I’d seldom, if ever, felt a vagina that was as snug as Emily's, whilst not being too tight. It gripped my shaft from tip to base, with no slackness, so if I continued with this rhythm, I would climax! Having blown my load twice in short order, it was just a question of how soon.

I could sense that Emily hadn't come down far from her peak and pretty much immediately was building towards another climax which came in short order. It was only a minute and her body tensed again, this time spasming as it had during her first orgasm, I could feel her pussy clamping tightly around me as I paused for a moment before continuing to make love to her. There was a hiatus for a moment, then she came again and again before finally I came myself. I don't know how many times she climaxed, or how much longer she would have continued, but the softening of my cock brought it to a natural conclusion. She still had her arms around me, but now as I rolled to one side, exhausted, she tightened her embrace, holding me to her. We both lay there holding each other, for I don't know how long.

After some time, it might have been five or ten minutes, she took my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “That was unbelievable. Thank you!”

All this time, I had been totally unaware of Chloe, but now she brought herself back into things in her own inimitable fashion. “I told you an older guy would be better!”

Wait a minute! Had I been played? Had this been their aim the whole time? On the other hand, I'd just fucked two delectable nymphettes!
Even if I had been played, did I care and would I have done anything different if I had been aware? I'll leave you to answer that yourselves