I'm not sure what this is. But if there's an interest, I'll keep it going.

Transcript drawn from tape #2844. Patient: Roger Armstrong (RA) Doctor: William Bates MD (WB). Date: Redacted


RA: [subject is smoking continually] I don’t know. I’ve never told anyone any of this. You can say anything, I mean, if I tell you something it has to stay between us?

WB: That’s correct.

RA: Ok. [subject slumps back into chair] Well I don’t know where to start.

WB: Look, Roger, this is a safe space. You can tell me anything and you can trust that whatever you say will be held in absolute confidentiality. As far as where to start? Well, when you contacted me you said your wife-

RA: Yeah, yeah. I know what I told you.

WB: Well why not start there?
RA: No. [doesn’t speak for nearly two full minutes, sighs heavily before speaking] I have a problem. Problems. I think ..well I think the best place is to go all the way back.

WB: Whenever you’re ready. No rush at all.

RA: Okay. So the core issue, I think, is sex. It’s all about sex. And I started so young, that has to be part of it.

WB: How young were you?

RA: The very first time anything happened? It was back home, in South Carolina. I remember my cousin and I would play in the pool. Well, one day we went under the deck that wrapped around the pool. We’re both in our bathing suits ya’ know? And..god it’s fucked…but anyway she brought a towel down there with her and spread it out. She had me lay down on my back, and she got on top of me, mounted me ya’ know, and starts grinding one me. We’re six fucking years old man. Six!

WB: Was that all that happened? Was there ever penetration between the two of you?

RA: Penetration? No. But we did that, the grinding, a lot. I’m talking every time we swam together at my uncle’s pool. We lived basically in the same cul-de-sac at that time, so we saw each other a lot. For a while it was all over the bathing suits, the grinding, dry-humping or whatever. She would ride me and grunt, and I guess in a way she got off on it. Then one day it changed a bit, she pulled my bathing suit down and rode me. I won’t lie, I was rock hard and she rubbed the outside of her bathing suit bottoms against my…against me until she finished.

WB: Was that all that happened between you?

RA: Pretty much. She had me pull it out once while we were alone in her room. She touched it, licked it a little. But that was it.

WB: I see. Alright. What I want to do is this. I want you to try and visualize your entire sexual history, starting from your earliest experience. Let’s work through all of it together and go from there.

RA: All of it? Okay, I mean man, I gotta be honest. I’ve never told anyone any of this. It’s…it’s depraved, I think.

WB: Let’s try? What happens next?

RA: Well. I’m not sure. I have two experiences that…run parallel to one another. They both happen at roughly the same time, but I don’t’ know which began first.

WB: Began? As in there was something ongoing at a young age?

RA: Yes

WB: How old were you at this point?

RA: Uhm…probably seven or eight.

WB: Okay, so what happens?

RA: Well, I started experimenting with both my mom’s boyfriends son and my best friend that lived about an hour away.

WB: How did you manage to get an hour away at seven?

RA: My friend lived next to my dad, who lived an hour away.

WB: I see. Tell me about what happened there.

RA: Okay well, we started…experimenting I guess you could call it. I think it started with innocent touching, maybe petting. But we continued up until we were probably sixteen or seventeen years old.

WB: That’s a long time. Can you detail any of your experiences, starting at the earliest?

RA: I can try. There were a lot ya know? Some of it blurred together because we had a routine I guess.

WB: Start there. With your “routine”

RA: Right. Well the trailer my dad was renting had this big wooden shed in the back yard. The neighbors behind him had a chain link fence set up, and these big trees right along the fence. There was space enough behind the shed where we could go back and hang out. That’s were most of it happened. So I’d get there, at my dads, and my friend David would come over. Wouldn’t be long before we’d ourselves behind the shed. We’d usually swap oral, sometimes we’d play games. Like before we went behind the shed we’d be playing power rangers or something. One of us would “Be the girl” that way they’d do the “girl things”.

WB: What things were those?

RA: Well, usually giving oral. But this other kid came over once and showed us what “making love was” it was basically sticking…well sticking your dick between the butt cheeks from behind, usually standing.

WB: So no penetration?

RA: Not at first.

WB: So there was penetration?

RA: Eventually. The first time I remember it happening I went to visit dad and David was dog sitting for the other neighbors. They were out of town and he had to feed the dog, so I went in with him and sat on the couch while he did. When he came back, we got on the topic of the daughter of the family out of town, Lisa. Lisa wasn’t a super-hot girl or anything. She was big, really big. But we ended up going back to her room and digging around her underwear and bra drawer. We found her vibrator and some lube. I played with the virbator, sucking it at first. Eventually David took his dick out and I sucked him for a while. Then he made me lay on her bed with my pants off and eventually got the vibrator in me. It wasn’t big, but it felt weird. Then he wanted to stick his dick in me. I said okay.

WB: How old were you here?

RA: Uh, thirteen?

WB: Mmhm, and what else happened?

RA: I know I rolled on my back, and I’ve got a pair of this fat girls panties in my mouth and David pushes my legs up on my shoulders. We’d watched porn together and messed around by this point. Anyway, I remember the silky fabric on my tongue as he slid in me. David isn’t hung either, by the way, not crazy-small, but I’m bigger. Anyway, it hurt at first, but I started to enjoy it. He fucked me for a while, and eventually pulled out and came on my dick. When I said it was my turn he said we had to leave. I think he stayed over and I sucked him off under a blanket for the entirety of Aliens.

WB: So this was your first experience of penetration?

RA: No. This was the first with him. The first ever was with my mom’s boyfriend’s son. Older son, I experimented with the younger.
WB: So the experience with the older son was a one time occurrence?

RA: Yes. So the younger brother, Jacob, was my age. We slept in the same bed when my mom stayed at his dads place, or vise versa. We’d kiss, rub against each other, and trade oral. Every night for almost a year. It was innocent I think, he outgrew it, has a kid. But anyway, one night my mom takes me and my sister over to her boyfiends house. Jacob is with his mom, but Justin is with his dad. Justin is the older one. So we’re sharing a bed and we’re laying there and he whispers into my ear. He asks if I’ve ever done anything with his brother. I said ‘what do you mean?’ All of a sudden, his dick is out, we’re under the covers, but he’s rubbing it against my leg. It’s huge, well I guess to me it was then, it was bigger than mine which I thought was big. So he’s rubbing it against my leg, he takes my hand and moves it down, making me grab his cock. One thing leads to another and I’m under the covers sucking him off. After a while he pulls me up, rolls me over on my side and pulls the back of my shorts down. I hear him spit, and then he’s pressing his cock up against my ass hole. The whole time he’s trying to push it in, it hurts, so I’m on my side and one arm is pinned beneath me. He’s holding my other arm and I’m trying to push him away, but he’s using his other hand to shove into me. He’s whispering in my ear. “This is what it’s like to be raped. I’m showing you this to teach you. This is what rape is.” He finally gets into me and starts really going. At some point I rolled over, my face was in the pillow, I’m crying, he’s fucking me from behind, and eventually he finishes. We fall asleep and I never told anyone.

WB: So he sexually molested you? As did your cousin?

RA: I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. And yeah, that’s what happened.

WB: So what next?