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>>39115
I can relate. I'm in a leadership position at my workplace. At home, the wife generally leaves the finances, decisions, etc. to me. Virtually all aspects of my life are controlled by and thrive/fail based on my judgment and decisions. I'm (perhaps overly) competitive and generally win or do well in contests of skill. Granted, I take great care and pains to maintain the whole "golden boy" image but I try not to show it. Most folks consider me strongly individualistic, powerful, all that jazz.
What actually goes on in my head? I want to be outdone, overthrown, outsmarted, overpowered, and generally dominated by someone better in spite of my honest effort to prevent it. Especially if they outwardly appear harmless. Perhaps this means I'm really just a Beta male? I put so much work into always being the ace in any situation and I only want to be made to be someone else's toy. Unlike you, this isn't just a "when I'm horny" sorta thing. I'm constantly sizing folks up to evaluate whether or not there's a chance of them taking ownership of me. Male, female, doesn't matter. I play out scenarios in my head where I'm slapped around, restrained, drugged, cut, passed around, pissed on, tattooed and so on.
These are things I wouldn't do to/with a partner myself. I might tease a bit but I'm a pretty nice and gentle sorta guy. I feel like I should regret betraying all my work and effort by wanting it taken but I totally don't. I'm very comfortable with the idea. Maybe it's because I doubt anyone I'm likely to run into could trump me easily. Maybe it's because I've convinced myself such things don't happen and people don't think this way in real life. Who knows? Anyhow, don't think you're the only one in this boat.
By the way, was this the pic?